Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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