What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
