so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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