My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
