Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
