Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
How does it feel to date your dad?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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