I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
