My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
