You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
foreskin is a definite game changer
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Randomize
