I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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