so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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