guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
