jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
