I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize
