You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
