I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
