By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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