This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
