I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
