At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
