I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
