your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
