wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
a search helicopter?!
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
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