Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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