I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
