well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
