they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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