hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
someone owes me an orgasm
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
