yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
