hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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