My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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