I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
