which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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