With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
