So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
