this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You left your phone here
Wait...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
