Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
