Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
