i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
