I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
