You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
