so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
