I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
