A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
