Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
