Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
