apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
