I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
there's paper in my vomit.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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