Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
