I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
