I will die if light touches me.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
