so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
