as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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