listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
