I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
