...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I love having hate sex.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
