So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
