Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Randomize
