Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
