i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
she peed on how many people?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
