Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
