There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Randomize
