bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
