I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
