just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Randomize
