i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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