glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I faked an abortion last night.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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