The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Your cock deserves a montage
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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