I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize