I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Welp...herpes.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
