I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
