Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
