he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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