walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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