I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
