No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
