whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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