you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I am full of burrito and curiosity
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Randomize
