You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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