Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
