she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
