this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize