Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
