you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
