I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
North Korea, Best Korea!
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
